Today I asked my heart what she needed. It's a rare moment between her and I.
I leaned down and whisper-asked her if maybe she needed another heart near hers? One to keep her warm you see.
That perhaps she wanted to hear some music?
She shook her head.
"I do like those things, but nothing else in the world would bring me more joy than a mirror." She said. "A mirror?" I asked, perplexed. "What for?"
" I want to see how beautiful I am."
As humans, we are on a constant search for validation. We look for it from strangers on the street, strangers on the internet, those we love and from those who love us. We scroll and surf the time away hoping that someone will double tap on our new hairdo, or on the photos of our holiday where we spent more time worrying about the photos we can put on our social media to show everyone back home how good of a time we had than actually being present in the moment; when really 30 seconds prior some drunk guy took a leak on that white Santorini wall (it's okay - a filter hid it really well!).
We swipe away real life experiences with a handful of real people in order to create this security blanket online, knitted together with however many comments, likes and shares we've gotten from people we've never met.
As a 12 year old I was so ridiculously excited to attend my first ever concert (Her name is Kina Grannis- check out her music here) that I borrowed my friend's video camera. You know, the type with the little flip out screen that recorded onto a tiny dvd. I spent the first 5 minutes of this concert figuring out how to get this thing rolling, then the next 10 figuring out the best angle to film it from. The next 30 minutes of the concert I realised that I had to focus on where I was pointing the camera, or I'd cut the singer's head out of the frame. The minutes chipped away and by the time I'd perfected my shot, the concert was over. I had the realisation that in my attempt to record this moment for the future, I'd lost the experience of the present. For what? To show my friends back home a shitty low quality recording of a concert they didn't go to?
Truth be told I never pulled up that footage. I never watched it, never showed it to anyone or frankly even know where it is anymore.
Had I filmed that today, maybe I would've shared it to facebook, or posted it on my Insta story. Again - for what?
Validation that I made a good choice in going to this concert?
Validation that the life I'm living is worthy of envy?
Validation that the life I'm living is worthy?
Validation that I am worthy?
You may think that it sounds ridiculous when I put it like that - and it is! Our worth cannot be reduced to how many people around us like the lives we live. In fact there is no value in that. Our food doesn't suddenly taste better because 635 people liked it on Instagram. Our relationships with those around us cannot be determined by how many 'friends' we have on Facebook. Our worth in love isn't determined by how many people we match with on tinder.
Our worth can only be solidified by turning the mirror inwards and seeing the beauty of our own hearts.